The Tale of Santa Pirate

It was a chilly morning in December of 2010 and I was still happily in bed as my then-fiancé was getting ready for work. Back then, he usually left before me and tried his best not to wake me up, but this day was different. I was vaguely aware that he had left, but then I heard him come back inside.

“Hey babe?” he called from the living room.

As I shook off the grogginess, I continued to lay in bed, “What?”

He replied with, “Ummm, you better come out here”

So, of course, I assume something bad has happened and jumped out of bed. My fiancé is still standing by the entrance to our patio door and I am greeted by this:

Surprise!

My fiancé tells me that he was almost to his car when it caught his eye. I was still trying to figure this all out when he says, “There was a note.”

What does it mean? What did I do?

At this point, I’m not sure if this a joke or a threat…what exactly did I do that would warrant a visit from Santa Pirate? And what did "SSPE" mean? I decided to do the only sensible thing I could think of, which was to close the door, pretend this wasn’t happening, and go back to bed. When I awoke, he was still there and remained there for several days. Watching…waiting…

Until the day he was just gone. It threw me off a bit; I had grown accustomed to his presence on the porch and was a little sad that he had vanished. He made for a great talking point when people came over and there was something kind of charming about his eyepatch and hook-hand. I had so many questions: Who had put him there? Why us? Who took him? What if he was Santa-napped by unrelated individuals who just hate pirates and Christmas?!

I became determined to lure Santa Pirate back to our home; but the question was, with what? Regular Santa likes milk and cookies, so what does Santa Pirate want? Then in hit me:

Rum!

I left this little gem perched on a chair on our patio. I also took a photo and posted to social media in case the Santa-nappers were watching.

The following morning, I heard my fiancé once again calling me for me.

“Babe, come here!” he called out.

“Is it Santa Pirate?!” I replied.

He yelled back, “At first I thought it was a child or a little person trying to sell us something at the door”. (I'm not sure why he would think that because I can't recall any children or little people who are traveling salesmen in our neighborhood, but stranger things have happened).

This is what I found:

Santa Pirate entering the home like gentleman.

Santa Pirate had decided to come in through the front door. Fearing that he could be spirited away again, we made the decision to bring him into the house. The logical placement seemed to be by the Christmas tree, we had accepted him into our home.

Nobody puts Santa Pirate in the corner, except for us because that's where the tree was

We did eventually find out who it was that brought Santa Pirate to us (shout out to Ben and Bentonamo), who had started the “Secret Sociaty for Pranking Enthusiasts” (yes, it’s spelled wrong, they don’t seem to care). The name of their group finally solved the mystery of "SSPE" on the note. I had suspected these two initially because they love getting into general shenanigans, but they denied it until the day Santa Pirate made his way to his place of honor next to our tree. I was then made a member of their “Secret Sociaty”, however I have not participated in any pranks to date. I still don’t know what it was that I did that Santa Pirate seemed to know about. When pressed for answers, Ben and Bentonamo simply answered, “You know and he knows”.

I have an exciting update for 2016 about Santa Pirate, 6 years after he landed on doorstep he lives again!!

It's aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!!

He had come to us with no bulb and his electrical cord was cut, but the Mister has him back in working order. We plan to make him part of our holiday display outside this year, because the neighbors just don't think we're weird enough.

#Santa #Pirate #SantaPirate #Pranks #Christmas