Gather round, while I tell you the tale of a time when
the Mister and I were on a double date. (That was something that actually
happened pre-baby). The subject of a mutual friend came up and I told the only
truly funny joke of my entire life.
Our friend started off with, “Did
you hear? Mike’s having a baby.”
“Yeah, that’s so crazy. I never
thought it would happen.” The Mister replied.
“He didn’t think he could have
kids” said our friend with a very serious tone in his voice.
Now this was news to me,
suddenly this was a story about a miracle baby and I needed details.
"Really? Why is that?"
“Oh well, the doctor said that
since he drinks so much Mountain Dew, his sperm count would be low and he
wouldn’t be able to”.
The Mister and I stare at him
for a moment, trying to figure out if he was serious or not (after a few beats
of silence we realized that he was).
So I asked, “What doctor told
him that? …Dr. Pepper?”
 |
| I imagine it went exactly like this. |
I have never and nor will I ever again laugh that hard
again at one of my own jokes. I couldn’t
have come up with the setup for that punchline on purpose even if I had tried. On the ride home, the Mister and I would make
eye contact and spontaneously laugh about how stupidly perfect it was.
Looking back on it, I can’t help but wonder what the
actual conversation was with his doctor because I can’t believe that a medical professional would say, “Well, you drink this one particular brand of soda, so I guess
babies just aren’t in your future...it's science”. It
must have been phrased as a warning to try to get him to drink less soda, more
of a “If you don’t cut down, there could be issues later on down the road” kind
of thing. Yet, Mike heard, “You don’t need condoms anymore because you do the
Dew”.
If I lived in a world where a doctor would actually throw
that kind of prognosis out there, I would hope that it would at least deserve a
google search or something when you get home. I also wonder what his girlfriend
said about the whole thing? Did she also live a world without Dr. Google to crosscheck
things? Does she take her boyfriend’s
word as gospel? Or did she really want a
baby and was like, “Yeah, sure, okay…now take your pants off”.
I'm going to go with that last one.
I'm going to go with that last one.
haha well, this line '“You don’t need condoms anymore because you do the Dew”. cracked me up actually and that too at work :D...
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