15 Things No One Told Me About Pregnancy

Things that no one told me about pregnancy: 1.      The headaches. Oh, the headaches. Especially during those first few weeks, my hormones must have been having a riot because I had headaches that left me in bed for an entire day.  My doctor recommended taking Tylenol and drinking water. Tylenol doesn’t...

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My love of pantyhose (and how I afford it)

Some people hate pantyhose, I am not among them. I wear pantyhose often and for a few reasons: 1.       I don’t like the way my shoes feel on my feet without some kind of barrier. 2.       My legs can be dry and no one will see. 3.       If...

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Paging Dr. Pepper, Dr. Pepper…

Gather round, while I tell you the tale of a time when the Mister and I were on a double date. (That was something that actually happened pre-baby). The subject of a mutual friend came up and I told the only truly funny joke of my entire life. Our friend started off with, “Did you hear? Mike’s having a baby.” “Yeah, that’s so crazy....

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Positively Positive (and Battleshots)

2013 was the year of ultimate big-kid birthday parties for the Mister and I. His involved going to Wrestlemania and feeling the heat come off the stage as the bells of the Undertaker announced his entrance. Mine was a group trip to that fine New Jersey institution, Medieval Times. Normally, I would drink large overpriced drinks in souvenir...

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Trampons

Trampons. That was what one of my female acquaintances called “Super-Plus” tampons on Facebook.  She was clearly very pleased with herself, but phrased it as a question: “Does it make me a bad person when I see super-plus tampons, I immediately think “trampons”? TeeHee!”  In reply, a bunch of her male friends laughed about all...

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What's a vacation?

Skagit Valley Tulip Festival (back when I took vacations) An artist friend of mine had me over one day and we were sitting in his studio talking. He asked what I had been up to. "I'm just working so much, I need a vacation." "...what's a vacation?" A little thrown off by the question, I replied, "It's when you get some time...

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Pregnancy, Personal Space, and an (Unfortunate) Kiss

I want to preface this by saying that my mother in-law and father in-law are goodhearted people, they also have a “don’t give a f*ck” attitude that causes situations like the one I will lay out for you today. My In-Laws weren't terribly interested in giving me advice until I got pregnant. Suddenly, they were fonts of wisdom and all about...

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The Art of Invisibilty

There are a lot of ways that you can feel invisible. I’ve felt invisible when trying to speak up in a room full of men, who did not seem to notice when I opened my mouth, but easily could hear one another. I’ve felt invisible when my depression reared its ugly head and, even when I tried to express what was happening out loud, no one seemed...

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What’s the Strangest Thing Anyone Has Ever Left on Your Porch?

This story goes back to when I still lived at home with my parents.  My Uncle bought a house in the same town as us and he had become a bit of local legend with my friends who hung out at the same bar as him. They had all adopted him as their own Uncle because he is pretty much the coolest mad-scientist bachelor you will ever meet....

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